Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
