my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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