You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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