It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
The feeling are messing with the penis
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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