Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Sober January is a disaster.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
