i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
