working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
