you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
She bit a glass in half.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Randomize
