soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I am available for nakedness
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
