Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Randomize
