Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
