Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
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Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
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There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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