You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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