I think i sorta joined a cult last night
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
