don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
