i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
