so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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