Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
