Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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