dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
