no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
