how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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