I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
