I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
