I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
we made out on top of his cat.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
