i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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