i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
