i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
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I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
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He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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