you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
