her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
