Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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