My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
