So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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