Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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