you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
