Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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