Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
