I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
My penis needs a shock collar
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
