if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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