We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
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She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
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my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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