Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
