Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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