Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Floor bacon is actually really good
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
