be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
