Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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