when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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