Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I want to make a zoo with you.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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