If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
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