mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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