idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
