I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
