my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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