I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
