my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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