Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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