I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
