so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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