so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
