I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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