I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
