If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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