I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
