i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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