3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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