Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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