Who did Billy Mays play for?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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