i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
