can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
