I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
