If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
