when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
