Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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