its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
