I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
