I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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