I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
