You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
