Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
