Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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