I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
